Forum Posts

The Joker
Nov 03, 2022
In Jokes for Blokes
He doesn't have any money but still orders a drink. When it's time to pay, he asks the bar tender if he's willing to let him bet to pay for the drink. The bartender asked what the hunter wanted to bet. The hunter looked up above the bar and pointed at the animal pelts hanging there and said that blind folded, if he touched a hide he would be able to tell what animal it was and how it was killed. The bartender took him up on the bet and blindfolded the old hunter and took down a hide. The hunter felt the pelt and said, "White tailed deer...killed by bow and arrow!" The bartender is amazed and says the hunter won the bet and doesn't owe anything for his drink. The hunter wants another drink so they do the bet again. Still blindfolded, the hunter feels the next pelt and claims, "Black bear...killed with a rifle!" And he gets another drink. This goes on all night as the hunter keeps guessing correctly and gets a drink after feeling each pelt, until he is completely drunk. Finally, in a drunken stupor the old man stumbled home and crawled into bed. He woke up in the morning with a splitting headache and a black eye and asked his wife, "Honey, I know I had a few drinks last night, but I don't remember getting into a fight! What happened?" His wife replied, "No, you didn't get in a fight, I hit you in the head with the alarm clock when you crawled into bed last night, shoved your hand down my panties, and said, "Fish...killed with an axe!"
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The Joker
Oct 18, 2022
In Dirty jokes
but she still insisted on having sex. What a sick fuck.
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The Joker
Oct 17, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her... When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
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The Joker
Oct 17, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
A philosophy graduate asks *why* you want fries with that.
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The Joker
Oct 17, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST." So, the students get busy writing essays proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers. The day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class. His answer to the question: "What chair?
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions. 6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'. Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid. 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks. 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'. 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct. 19 to post that this sub is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb sub. 9 who have never changed a light bulb, but want you to know that they are related to, or friends with, someone who has. 11 to defend the posting to this sub saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here. 24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs 44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you. 12 to post F. 8 to ask what F means. 36 People to post imgur links to photos of their own light bulbs. 15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs. 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$" 4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?". 13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs". 1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments. 50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views. 5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously. 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
One to change the bulb and nine to make T-shirts for the event.
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Ethnic Jokes
Two. One to do the task and other to explain how lightbulbs were actually invented in ancient India.
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
The real question is: who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Political Jokes
None. The media, Facebook, Twitter, and CNN told them that the lights were on.
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Ethnic Jokes
None. One of them stole it, and the others "didn't do nothing."
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The Joker
Oct 13, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell him he's a lovely girl, and he'll brighten up the room instantly.
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The Joker
Oct 10, 2022
In Engineer Jokes
As he leaves, his wife tells him, "While you're out, buy a gallon of milk." He never came home.
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The Joker
Sep 25, 2022
In Miscellaneous Jokes
After a while of silence Bubba says, "I think I'm going to get divorced from my wife." Earl asks Bubba why. "Because she ain't spoke to me for 2 months." Earl pauses, spurs over the side o off the boat and then says, "Better think that over, Bubba. Women like that are hard to find."
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Jokes for Blokes
They stop at a gas station in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The station attendant comes out to chat with the husband as he's refueling and asks, "Where y'all heading?" The husband replies, "We're going to California." The wife rolls down the window and asks her husband, "What did he say?" The husband turns to his wife and says, "He asked where we're going!" The attendant then asked where they came from. The husband replies, "We're from Cape Cod." The wife rolls down the window again and asks, "What'd he say?" The husband turns to his wife and says "He asked where we're coming from!" The attendant says, "I was in the navy years back...I got to drop anchor up in Boston." The husband replies, "Oh wow! We're originally from Boston." The wife asks the husband again, "What'd he say?" The husband again tells his wife, "He said that he spent some time in the navy in Boston!" The wife smiles and nods. The attendant then says, "Yeah I remember that last shore leave in Boston, me and the guys looking for some action, end up in a dive bar and I met this girl. We got a room, and she was the the worst fuck I've ever had!" Again, the wife asks, "What'd he say?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knew you!"
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Ethnic Jokes
They were have a great time at this party...when the rich man announces on his loud speaker, "Ladies and gentleman, I have a 30 foot man-eating alligator in my pool. Whoever's brave enough to jump into the pool and kill the gator, I'll give them 1 million dollars!" Eveyone looks all interested but no one makes a move. Suddenly, there's splashing in the pool and everyone turns around and see Bubba in the pool fighting the gator! After a few minutes they both go deep underwater and the gator floats belly up to the top of the water. Dead. Bubba climbs out of the pool bleeding and limping. The rich man goes up to him, puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Well, Bubba, I guess I owe you a million dollars." Bubba says, "No, I don't want a million dollars." The rich man says, "Well, at least take half a million dollars..." Bubba again declines. Confused the rich man says, "At the very least take a quarter of a million dollars!" Bubba says "No. I dont want your money." The rich man says, "Well, Bubba, you've stumped me! What do you want?" Bubba says, "I want the name of the guy that pushed me in the pool!"
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Animal Jokes
When the box arrives she takes the frog out, and reads the instructions: "Get naked and place the frog between your legs and gently stroke its back, and it'll please you." She follows the instructions, but nothing happens, no matter how much she strokes the frog's back. Frustrated she calls the support number on the box and a guy answers. After listening to the woman he tells her that he'll come to her house and get the frog to perform. The support guy arrives, and puts the frog between the naked woman's legs and strokes the frog's back, but nothing happens. The guy yells at the frog, but still nothing happens. Then he moves the frog aside, gets between the woman's legs and says, "I'm sorry he's so stupid, but I'm going to have to show him what to do."
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Animal Jokes
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to take his shot when he hears, 'Ribbit, 9 Iron.' The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit, 9 Iron.' He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong; puts the club away and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits the ball 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing! You must be a lucky frog, eh? The frog replies, 'Ribbit, lucky frog.' The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. 'What do you think frog?' the man asks. 'Ribbit, 3 wood.' The guy takes out a 3 wood and, boom! Hole in one! The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, 'OK where to next?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit, Las Vegas.' They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now what?' The frog says, 'Ribbit, Roulette.' Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, 'What do you think I should bet?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit, $3000, black 6.' Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.' The frog replies, 'Ribbit, kiss me.' The man figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Blonde Jokes
They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards. They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!" The frog leaped forwards. They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!" but nothing happened. After much discussion they concluded that if you remove both rear legs from a frog, it becomes deaf.
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The Joker
Sep 22, 2022
In Irish Jokes
They’ve been told that, as a perk, they’ll be given tickets, but come the day, they’re told that there are no free places left, and only athletes will be let into the ground. Thinking quickly, the Englishman grabs a length of scaffolding and he announces, "Johnny Smith, England. Pole vault." He is admitted. The Scot follows his lead, finds a sawhorse and says, "Dunbar McPherson, Scotland. Hurdles." And he's also admitted. The Irishman casts his eyes about in desperation, and seizes some barbed wire and two by fours. The guard stops him, asking who he is. "Paddy O’Malley, Ireland. Fencing."
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The Joker

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