He tells the judge, "I just can't take it anymore. My wife goes out every night going from bar to bar and doesn't come home until way after midnight." The judge asks, "What's she doing when she's out?" The guy answers, "Looking for me."

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

I was driving down I-95 last Tuesday , not really paying attention , and I failed to notice that traffic had stopped. I slammed the brakes, but it was too late and I rear ended the vehicle in front of me. A young woman stepped out of the car, scowled at me and yelled "Well, ram me in theass as hard as you can, why don't you?" Later, I told the judge that this was the precise moment that the miscommunication began.